


A Shot In The Dark

by wantAwinchester



Series: The Winchester Chronicles [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean Winchester/Top Sam Winchester, Childhood Trauma, Demon Summoning, Demonic Possession, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Virgin Dean, Wincest - Freeform, spiteful jo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:14:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2394740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wantAwinchester/pseuds/wantAwinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a complete stand alone story but also the second installment of a longer cycle called The Winchester Chronicles.<br/>Takes place several weeks after the events in Not Gonna Die.  The Winchesters are still in Palo Alto investigating the events surrounding Jess's death.  Sam is mourning and feeling guilty.  Dean is healing and getting frustrated.  Neither one is particularly forthcoming with the other.  They decide a working road trip is in order and they eventually end up at Harvelle's Roadhouse.<br/>There are references to the events in Not Gonna Die, but you don't have to read it for this story to make sense, but if you don't and like this one - go back and check it out.<br/>This is an NC17 rated Wincest work with graphic descriptions of sexual encounters, lots of swearing and some mild violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank my beta reader who is also my biggest fan and cheerleader - you are the best!  
> Writing is interesting. There are a couple of spots in the story where I had planned different actions/events and when I got into the story the characters themselves took me in a completely different direction. I had heard this happening to other authors and never experienced prior to this. That said I hope you like where Sam and Dean have taken this story. xo

Dean Winchester woke early and eased himself out of his brother’s arms determined to let Sam sleep a little later than usual. Sam’s nightmares had been getting steadily worse since they’d returned home two weeks ago to find that his girlfriend, Jess had died in the fire that had consumed their apartment. Dean spent most of the previous night holding him close, comforting him and drying his tears. The relationship between them that had grown on the trip to find, salt and burn their father’s body was one of the two things holding Sam together, the other being finding out what had happened to Jess.

  
The bitch of it, Dean thought, was that there was so little to go on. They’d been given access to the apartment so that Sam could see if anything could be salvaged and they’d combed through the debris looking for any clues that could confirm Dean’s suspicions that Jess had died in a manner similar to their mother’s death all those years ago. The passage Dean found in their father’s journal – the Holy Bible of hunting – talked about the intensity and rapid spread of the fire in Sam’s nursery with no evidence of accelerant use. The bedroom in Sam’s apartment had taken the worst of the damage and there was minimal damage to the rest of the apartment. Fortunately, there was very little actual fire damage to the rest of the building. When questioned about the recent fire, the Fire Marshall admitted to being baffled both by the intensity and the localization of the flames.

Sam was only able to save a couple of photos and mementos. The rest was a complete loss between the actual fire damage and subsequent water damage. The two boys scoured the apartment more than once focused on looking for something that seemed out of place, something unusual, that could give them even a slender thread to go on. The thought of tilting at windmills for the rest of his life like their father had, made Dean groan out loud in frustration.

  
“Hey Dean, what’s the time? Isn’t it early?” Sam’s speech was still slurred with sleep and Dean thought he looked adorable with his bed head and bitch-face expression.

  
Dean leaned over and gave his brother a light kiss on the mouth. “Yeah, it is. Go back to sleep Sammy, I have a couple of things I want to check out. I’ll bring you some cardboard, grass and seeds for breakfast.” Sam gave his brother the finger and rolled over.

  
The first stop he made was for coffee. He looked at the menu board while he waited his turn, it boggled his mind just how many different ways you could order coffee and he didn’t want to try to understand any of them, so he ordered his usual black coffee which he then loaded with sugar. Once he’d taken a couple of scalding sips he felt ready to make a call he’d been dreading almost as much as Sam had dreaded the call to Jess’s parents. He leaned against the Impala and put his coffee on the roof.

  
“Hey Ellen! It’s Dean Winchester, how the hell are you guys’ doin’?” He sipped at his coffee swearing at the still scalding cup. “Sorry. I’m fine, Sam’s fine, but I do have some bad news about our Dad…John.” He heard Ellen Harvelle’s sharp intake of breath at the name. “Yeah….he didn’t…I’m afraid he didn’t make it through our last hunt.” Dean listened to Ellen’s sympathetic words and questions briefly, before cutting her off. “Yeah, thanks but neither of us are really up to talking about it yet. Let’s just say it was an ordeal and leave it at that. I do need a couple of favors if you don’t mind. I know you and he weren’t on the best of terms.”

  
He waited briefly for her assent before almost talking over her. “First, do you know of anyone who has an out of the way cabin Sam and I could use for a couple of weeks? It’s important that we lay low for a bit.” Ellen offered to email them the names of a couple of hunters who might have a place they weren’t currently using. She also offered to put them up at the Roadhouse but that was more company than Dean thought Sam could handle. “Thanks, if these others don’t pan out I’ll get back to you. It’s nice of you to offer, but we’re not really good company right now.” Dean sipped at his coffee as Ellen assured him they were always welcome, that that’s what hunters do for each other. “We’ll keep it in mind and yeah, I’ll let you know how things are going. We’ve…well…..we’ve decided to pick up where Dad left off in his search for the monster that got Mom and we’re not gonna be really social while we dig through the past for more clues.” He listened as Ellen made more sympathetic noises.

  
“The other favor should be easier; I need to speak to Ash. Is he around?” Ellen said he was out, but would pass along Dean’s message as soon as he returned. “Be sure to give our love to Jo and I’ll let you know where we end up and that we’re OK. Thanks again Ellen. I know Dad always said we could trust you and go to you if we needed anything. It’s nice to know he was right.” About one thing, Dean thought as he finished his now almost cold coffee. “You take care as well, I’ll call soon. Bye.”

  
‘Shit and god damn,’ Dean, thought as he got back in line for more coffee for himself as well as coffee and breakfast for Sam. He’d wanted to get the place to stay nailed down before he got back to the room. Sam wouldn’t want to leave the area yet, but Dean could see him fading away a little more every day they stayed near campus. He had thought they could hit the apartment one more time before taking off to whatever place he found for them so they could have time to heal from the mental and physical hurts they’d sustained while combing through the journal and talking to John’s contacts looking for any additional information that may have decided not to share with them.

  
Sam tried to fall back to sleep after his brother left, but his mind started spinning through the events of the last few weeks and it didn’t want to stop, so he closed his eyes and let it wander. His first thoughts were of Dean. His first thoughts lately were always of Dean. He’d been so sure that he and their father had killed each other years ago when he hadn’t heard from them that finding Dean injured in his apartment was mind blowing. Then add to that, finding out that Dean loved him in the way that he’d fantasized about for almost as long as he could remember and shit, he should have been on cloud nine. Even with it all being very new to both of them, Dean was everything that Sam wanted and yet he found himself holding back. Worse, he knew that Dean was aware of it.

  
Sure, he told himself, he was grieving Jess, but given the way she’d reacted to his unexpected trip, the trip he where he’d begun sleeping with his brother, he felt like he should be kind of relieved. Even if he pushed aside the fact that he still carried a huge amount of guilt over how things ended and wished he’d had a chance to break up with her face to face, he was still conflicted. The two sides were tearing him apart, he’d lied to her and she’d practically told him she’d be gone when he returned; that it was all but over and now she was dead. So it was natural that she was haunting his dreams, right? Sam didn’t know how he could reconcile the situation with her gone forever, so every night since they pulled up in front of his apartment building he dreamed of her on the ceiling bleeding and burning. Through the sounds of the flames he could hear her asking, “Why Sam, why wasn’t I good enough for you? Where were you? Why didn’t you tell me?” He’d wake up shaking and/or crying and Dean would hold him until he calmed down enough to pretend to go back to sleep but the truth was that he was sleeping less and less. He knew his brother was concerned, but he didn’t think he could talk to him about it without upsetting him.

  
Dean had spent more years with their abusive asshole father than he had and the fact that he didn’t…..couldn’t measure up to anyone’s ideals had been literally beaten into him time and time again. He pretended that killing the mother-fucker was just another day on the job, but Sam knew Dean had idolized their father at one time and that despite the abuse had spent most of his life trying to live up to John’s impossible expectations. The last thing Sam wanted was to make his brother feel like he wasn’t measuring up…again and he felt like the two of them were drifting apart even as they lay in each other’s arms at night, neither one knowing what to say or how to say it to the other. The worst part was that he wasn’t sure he knew how to make it stop.

  
Dean’s phone rang while Sam was finishing his coffee and picking at the crumbs of his bran muffin. “Hey Ash, thanks for getting back to me so quickly buddy. Yeah, it was a shame; he got a hunter’s funeral and won’t be coming back.” Dean mouthed ‘Ash’ to Sam and continued to talk. “Listen. Yeah, Sam’s good, I’ll tell him you asked about him. So, I need a favor.” He held the phone away from his hear as Ash just continued to talk at him.

  
Dean was now rolling his eyes and Sam wanted to laugh. His brother had the most expressive face he’d ever seen. Dean could speak volumes without ever opening his mouth. Of course he’d spent most of his life studying every move, every twitch, and every eye blink of his brother’s and knew the hidden meanings behind them all. He loved his eyes which were the perfect shade of green with eyelashes most women would kill for, his freckles which were sprinkled symmetrically across his nose and cheekbones and his lips which were…. Sam was watching those lips now and felt his dick start to stir. He knew he’d never get tired of kissing him, biting at his bottom lip, or watching his mouth stretched around his cock as he sucked for all he was worth.

  
Dean’s conversation was interrupted by his brother slipping behind him, placing his hands on his shoulders and kissing the base of his neck while rubbing his dick against his back. “Yeah…um…where was I?” He tried to push Sam away, which just made him move the kisses around to the space behind his ear. “Right, Sam’s birthday was May 2, 1982 and our mother died six months to the day afterward.” He tried again to move away from his brother’s mouth, hands and dick but Sam held him even closer and moved one hand around to begin toying with his own hard cock through his jeans. “So, do you think that’s enough for a search?” Dean’s voice cracked and he had to swallow a moan as Sam began sucking on the skin by his ear and really grinding his cock into him. “G-G-g-great, get back to me when you’ve got something. Listen, I’ve…. something’s come up and I’ve gotta go.”

  
Dean disconnected, threw his phone aside and turned in Sam’s arms so that he could return the kisses that had been driving him wild. “I’m not complaining Sammy,” he said as he traced the tattoo on Sam’s chest with his tongue. “But fuck, you make it damn hard to concentrate on a conversation!” Sam tilted Dean’s head back and caught the bottom lip that had been torturing him between his teeth and pulled lightly while running his tongue over it.

  
Finally releasing the moan he’d been holding back, Dean pulled on his brother’s belt loops bringing their bodies even closer together and rubbing his dick against Sam’s as he opened his mouth and slipped his tongue past Sam’s into his mouth. The arms around him tightened and their tongues wrestled with each other for domination neither man wanting to pull back.

  
Sam finally broke the kiss and moved his mouth back to his brother’s ear, “You were driving me fucking crazy. All I could think of was getting my hands and mouth on you and kissing you breathless.” Cradling Dean’s head in one of his large hands, he continued kissing a trail down Dean’s neck and onto his chest, pulling his t-shirt aside to get even lower. “Off, shirt off, now.” Sam’s hands had moved and were now under Dean’s shirts and pushing them up and over his head. “So much better.” He’d backed Dean against a wall and took one of his hard nipples in his mouth sucking and nibbling at it while he continued to grind his cock against Dean’s.

  
This, Dean thought, this is what I’ve been wanting. Their relationship was still very new and Dean, while he was experienced in just about everything a man and woman could think of, was still new to gay sex and had been counting on his brother to be his guide. He was still a little unsure of himself and had been worried enough about Sam’s nightmares to not really want to initiate anything more than a couple of mutual hand jobs and lots and lots of kissing and cuddling. Taking Sam’s face in his hands Dean brought his face up so that he could look into the color changing eyes that he loved. “Sammy,” he kissed him lightly and pulled away when Sam tried to deepen the kiss. “I’ve missed you, missed this.”  
“I know Dean, I….it’s not you it’s not.” Sam pulled Dean closer and buried his face in his neck. “I’m….I…I don’t know what I need or where I’m at anymore.” His erection slipped away as his mind wandered back to the sight of his blackened apartment and fiery dreams. “I’m so sorry Dean, I want you, that hasn’t changed, I’m just…”

  
Disappointed and frustrated by his brother’s wilting passion, Dean held him closer and ran his hand up and down his muscular back under his shirt. “I know Sammy and it’s OK. Come on let’s get out here, go for a drive along the coast. I have a couple of ideas to share with you.” He kissed his brother gently and reached for his shirts, “I’m not going let you go through this alone.”


	2. Chapter 2

They headed south on US1 toward Carmel, it was a beautiful day, the windows were down and the music up. Dean had even managed to make Sam smile a couple of times as he changed song lyrics to reflect their past and present lives. He knew he was a terrible singer, and he didn’t care, he loved it anyway and hearing Sam laugh was all the encouragement he needed to keep going. The coast in Northern California is rugged and has a kind of wild and savage beauty that appealed to the hunter in Dean and he wanted to drive forever, to take them far away from Sam’s shattered dreams in Palo Alto.

They were still about 30 minutes away from Carmel and Dean had to piss so badly that he pulled over and headed off behind some rocks to relieve himself. Sam was sitting on another rock formation watching the waves crashing below when he returned. He sat next to him, shoulders touching but didn’t reach for a hand or a kiss. They sat in silence for a few minutes just watching the rhythm of the tide.

  
Sam broke the silence, “Look past the breakers, those are sea otters riding the waves. They fish in the kelp fields along the coast.”

  
Dean strained to see the animals and that he would have dismissed as debris if Sam hadn’t pointed them out. He sometimes wished he could get inside his brother’s head to see how it worked and at other times was relieved that his own mind was so straightforward and simplistic. Food, sex, booze and pie made up Dean’s basic needs and right then he would have given a kidney for a beer or some whiskey. He ran his hand over his face as he began to speak, “So, Sammy, I was thinking that we’ve probably done about all we can do here and should maybe move on and try some other avenues.”

  
“I know you don’t do the ‘stay in one place’ thing too well,” Sam shook his head and picked up a couple of small stones and began throwing them toward the rocky shore below them. “I….I just….don’t….can’t….I don’t know. It seems wrong to just leave, I loved her and if we’re on the right track, loving me killed her…..it feels,” Sam paused so long Dean thought he was done speaking, “like a betrayal, another betrayal.” After another long pause Sam spoke again in a much softer voice, “She deserved better from me.”

  
They both fell silent again looking straight ahead and Dean began tossing small stones as well while considering Sam’s words. He hated this kind of emo shit but knew his brother felt things very deeply. The bitch of it was that he didn’t know whether he should just brush it off and act like he always did or if he should be more attentive to his moodiness. ‘Fuck me,’ he thought and decided he would just be himself. “Quit being such a fucking girl and help me figure out what did this and how to kill the mother-fucker. Sitting around thinking about it doesn’t do anyone any good.” He got up and headed back to the car. “Come on Sam, I’ll tell you what I have in mind.” Sam watched as his brother eased himself back into the car and wondered if Dean would ever understand how he felt.

  
“So, retreat is your big plan?” Sam snarked at his brother while they were being seated at a café in Carmel. “I’m not sure how that addresses a damn thing other than making you more comfortable.”

  
“Nice bitch-face sweetheart, now everyone knows which one of us is the girl on her period.” Dean snuck a look at his brother over his menu to see if he’d broken the bitch-face yet. Nope, still there, he’d have to try harder, so he switched tactics, “Sam, I can’t keep watching you fade away in little bits every day. It’s like watching a snowman melt in the sun. I don’t do emo, even for you, and I sure as hell don’t do subtle. I do action. It’s not retreat it’s… reassessment and re-evaluation of what we know and what we can learn. These places have libraries of their own, the kind of libraries we’ll need and the kind of supplies we’ll have to find once we figure out what we’re going after.”

  
Sam wanted to lash out at Dean for being so callous but he didn’t even have the passion for that, he had felt nothing since finding out Jess was gone. Maybe his brother was right, that getting away, taking action would help, but he still couldn’t help but feel like he was abandoning Jess again. They placed their order and the waitress brought their beers before he spoke, “So say one of these places is available and we learn something about whatever monster did this, what then? We just sit around and wait for it to strike at someone else we know? That’s still a pretty shitty plan if you ask me.”

  
“I wasn’t finished. Jesus Christ, Sam do we need to get you some Midol because you are one touchy bitch today.” Sam sat back, arms folded across his chest and waited for Dean to continue, “All right,” he rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I’m out of my element here. There’s a reason I’ve never really done the relationship thing.” Dean rearranged the silverware in front of him and finished his beer. “You heard me talking to Ash this morning, I’ve got him doing some of his computer voodoo which will hopefully give us a trail we can follow or at the very least give us a place to start getting more familiar with the thing’s pattern.”

  
Their waitress brought their meals and went back for another round of drinks with a wink in Dean’s direction. Sam shook his head, finally breaking into a small smile. “You just can’t help it can you?” They both watched the girl walk away, “Is it like a silent dog whistle or something? You don’t even have to try!”

  
Dean blushed and concentrated on fixing up his burger trying to decide if he heard a hint of jealousy in Sam’s voice or if he was just hoping he’d heard it. “What can I say Sam, chicks dig me.” He looked up to see if the bitch-face was back, but Sam was concentrating on his own plate and Dean couldn’t tell so he decided to go on anyway, “I asked Ash to see if he could find any other fires with similar characteristics around the country. He said the search may take while since I asked him to go back to your birthday in 1982 and start tracking from there.”

  
“Why my birthday, why not the date of the fire, the day mom died?”

  
“Dad always assumed that the fire at our house was a one and done event. I don’t see anything in the journal mentioning him looking to see if there were other similar events. We now know that there has been at least one more, why couldn’t there have been others over the years?” Dean took a huge bite of his bacon cheeseburger, “I figure the more we can find, the better the chance of we have of figuring out what’s causing them and why. It may be a shot in the dark, but we’re spinning our wheels here and I thought it couldn’t hurt to try to expand our search.”

  
“Dude, seriously don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s gross.”

  
Dean laughed and smirked, “I remember you not minding that at all, not so long ago.”

  
It was Sam’s turn to blush and his dick woke up at the thought of his brother on his knees with his cock stretching his mouth, cheeks hollowed as he sucked him dry. Sam’s dimples popped out when he smiled back at his brother, “That’s different and you know it.” He wanted to take one of his brother’s hands in his, but knew Dean would pull away from even the most casual PDA so he settled for a raised eyebrow and his own version of the Winchester smirk. “So your plan doesn’t completely suck but we don’t know where we’re headed yet, right?” Dean nodded his assent as he finished the last fry on his plate. “Maybe once we find out we can see if there’s a job on the way. I could really use something to think about other than Jess for a bit.”

  
“See Sammy, you are totally the brains of the outfit! That’s why I keep you around and we can both use the practice anyway. I know I have kinks to work out after being laid up.” Dean smiled at the pretty waitress again as she took their plates and asked her if they had pie for dessert. She blushed and beamed at him while taking his order for apple pie ala mode barely remembering to check to see if Sam wanted dessert. He ordered coffee, black.

  
“Dude, you are shameless,” Sam laughed after the waitress dropped of their desserts and the check. “What am I gonna do with you?”

  
Motioning to his full mouth, Dean very slowly finished chewing and swallowing in an exaggerated fashion before responding. “I could think up a few things Sammy and none of them involve that girl.” Dean watched as the blush crept back into his brother’s cheeks. He hoped this little side trip and the teasing was bringing his Sammy back to the forefront. After deliberately taking a way too big bite of his dessert he carefully licked his lips clean rather than using the paper napkin on the table making Sam almost choke on his coffee. Yeah, Dean thought, this I like.


	3. Chapter 3

A couple of days later Sam was up and surfing the net looking for anything that signaled supernatural activity when Dean returned with breakfast and coffee. He was still having the nightmares of Jess burning and still having trouble connecting sexually with his brother. They’d kiss and rub against each other and his dick would get hard and start leaking, but as soon as the action began to move along and their clothes came off, he found he couldn’t stay hard. It hurt him to see Dean blaming himself and knew he was growing impatient. Sure he was still getting his brother off with his mouth and hands, but Dean, so conditioned by John to believe he didn’t measure up, took Sam’s impotence as an unspoken criticism and was drawing away. Sam was starting to look forward to getting away from Palo Alto hoping he could leave his dreams, nightmares and guilt behind.

  
“South Dakota,” Dean announced as he handed Sam his coffee.

  
“So Bobby Singer’s place? Will he be around?” Sam took the lid off and sipped at his coffee while reaching for the bag that held the food. “He’s a hell of a researcher. The guy’s got a shit ton of arcane knowledge stored in his head and a kick ass library.”

  
Dean unwrapped his first breakfast sandwich and took a bite before answering. “Yeah, Singer’s place, I loved it when the asshole left us there growing up. All those wrecked cars waiting to be rebuilt or used for parts, I think that might end up being my heaven one day. He’s leaving on a hunting trip east with Rufus. They think they’ve located a coven of witches controlling a town out there, said they’d be at it a couple of weeks and the place is ours while he’s gone. I know he’s been collecting books for years, but I’ll have to take your word on the quality of the library, you know I don’t really spend time reading if I don’t have to.”

  
Dean smiled at his brother, once again trying to coax him out of his depression. He was so grateful he’d finally found a place they could go and get the hell out of here. He’d almost decided to just get them in the car and start driving without a destination, if nothing had turned up, just to get his brother out of the area. “Can you do your computer magic and see if there’s a job between here and there? I figure we can do some housekeeping today and leave first thing tomorrow…..” he saw a shadow cross his brother’s eyes darkening them. “I mean if you’re ready.”

  
Sam had good news for his brother when he returned from the laundromat later that afternoon. “I think I’ve actually found a job in Colorado if you’re up to heading back there so soon after your last job.”

  
Dean put their clean clothes on the bed and moved around behind Sam to look at the screen. He rubbed one of his shoulders and rested his chin on the other while Sam explained what he’d found. “There have been a cluster of disappearances near Black Water Ridge,” Sam pointed to an area of Colorado he’d highlighted on the map. “The park rangers and local police are blaming grizzlies for the disappearances. The people who’ve gone missing were all camping in a pretty remote area and when the search and rescue teams arrived at their last known locations all they found was blood positively identifying the missing men.”

  
“Is it only men who go missing?” Dean was already mentally running through the list of big bad supernatural creatures he had in his mind. “Have the search and rescue teams been able to track the bears or any animal at all?”

  
Sam clicked back to a news story he’d found. “It has been only men, but it’s really only guys who tend to go camping in such a remote area. There’s nothing here indicating they’ve been able to track the animal responsible or have found any evidence of an attack other than the missing men and blood. There have been a couple of separate occurrences lately and they’re currently keeping people from camping in that area until they’ve located the animal responsible.”

  
“All right then, Black Water Ridge here we come. I’m gonna work on my baby a bit; make sure she’s up to the trip. At Singer’s I’ll be able to do a full tune up and fix anything that got knocked out of line in the desert. This is perfect! Good job Sammy.” Dean was kissing his way to his brother’s mouth while talking and as he went to deepen the kiss he’d placed on his mouth he felt Sam start to draw away. Hurt, Dean walked out of their room without another word leaving Sam slumped at the table, hands covering his face.

  
Working on the Impala was usually a stress reliever for Dean, but it wasn’t helping this time. He knew Sam had been through a lot since he’d fallen face first into his living room and back into his life with the news that he’d killed their father. There’d been their father’s ghost, his injuries in the desert, Sam’s own injuries, the hospital stay, Jess’s death and the most important, at least for Dean, the beginning of their incestuous relationship. That said, Dean felt like he’d gone out of his way to understand where Sam’s mind was and to be respectful of the time and distance he was asking for but dammit, he was horny and he wanted to get laid, really laid, not just a hand job or quick blow job, hard, physical, reciprocated sex and he didn’t really care much anymore where he got it. He HAD to let some steam off if he was going to be able to stand being so close to Sam but unable to touch him without him losing his hard on or pushing him away. Fuck, he was frustrated!

  
Dean finished everything he could do with his car in the motel parking lot and wiped away the hand and finger prints he’d left on the hood before going back inside to shower and change. Sam was on the bed watching some stupid documentary on TV, Dean didn’t even know what to say anymore so sorted through the clean clothes and pulled out a couple shirts and a pair of jeans while he thought about what to say. “I’m gonna shower and then head out for bit.” He hesitated unsure if he should ask Sam to join him or not, “Want to get out? Grab some dinner?”

  
“No thanks, I’m not in the mood. Every place around here reminds me of Jess, plus I don’t want to run into anyone I know…..I don’t know what to say to them anymore.” Sam watched his brother close the bathroom door for the first time since they’d admitted their mutual attraction and wanted to cry, but couldn’t even work up that much energy.

  
Sam’s voice had been flat and Dean knew he was torn up inside but he was tired of babysitting the moody, emo bitch and if that made him selfish then he was selfish. ‘Fine,’ he thought as he turned the shower on, ‘he can stay in and keep himself company.’ He was sick of it all and needed to forget, if only for a couple of hours. He stepped into the shower and the water hitting his chest and dick made him hard, it always did these days and he quickly jerked himself off trying not to think about Sam and the way he made him feel. He didn’t want to think of Sam tonight, tonight was about himself.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey sugar, are you all alone tonight?” Dean was on his third shot and second beer when a pretty, petite blonde took the seat next to him. She was dressed to attract attention and he decided he’d give her all she could handle.

  
He tossed back his shot, “What’re you drinking sweetheart?”

  
“A very dirty vodka martini…. please. I’m Amber, what’s your name cutie?” Amber had strung out the ‘very dirty’ part of her drink request in a way that made Dean’s dick harden instantly and he turned toward her to get a better look while surreptitiously adjusting himself on the seat. He called the bartender over and placed their order without breaking eye contact. She was just what he needed and he almost moaned aloud when her pink tongue flashed out to lick her bright red lips.

  
“I’m….um…..Dean, I’m Dean.” The bartender dropped of their drinks while Dean tried to remember anything other than his name. The small brain had definitely taken control.

  
“Then cheers Dean.” Amber lifted her drink in a toast and he followed suit downing his fourth shot and felt the warmth spread through his body and concentrate in his dick which was throbbing. “You’re new, you at the U or with one of the tech start-ups?” Dean almost came on the spot as she pulled an olive off the toothpick with her perfect lips. Fuck, he was dying and trying to figure out how quickly he could get her alone and undressed.

  
He sipped at his beer trying desperately to calm himself down, shit it wasn’t like he’d hadn’t done this a million times over the years. “I’m vising my brother. He’s at Stanford Law, he got the brains and I got the charm.” He used his best self-deprecating smile and raised an eyebrow as he ran his fingers over the hand she had resting on the bar. “I’m actually leaving tomorrow and wanted one last night out, he stayed in studying.” Dean took her hand in his and was tracing circles on her palm. He inched his seat closer so he could smell her perfume and talk without shouting; she leaned in, definitely interested.

  
Amber’s door closed behind him and he pulled her into an embrace, backed her up against the door and slipped his tongue into her perfect little mouth while grinding his hard cock into her stomach and pushing her jacket off her shoulders. She had her hands under his shirts and pulled him toward her, her legs spread enough that he could smell her arousal. He pulled back, his eyes dark with lust and waited for her to say no, but she moved her hands around to his chest and used her nails to tease his nipples into hard little buds.

  
“This way, gorgeous,” she took him by the hand and led him to her bedroom. Dean was thanking every god he could think of as he followed her watching her ass swish back and forth under her very short skirt. Fuck, he thought, I don’t even have to get her undressed, push everything up and I’m good to go. He sat her on the edge of the bed and got to his knees between her legs pushing her skirt up with one hand while encouraging her lay down and to spread her legs wider with his other. He didn’t say a word as he dipped his head down and lapped at her belly button, his teeth tugging gently at the belly ring she wore before moving down her belly with nips and open mouth kisses thoroughly enjoying her wiggling and moaning.

  
Dean pulled her heels off and started to kiss his way up each of her legs, stopping at her knees to lick and nibble at the back of them, which judging from the increasing sounds she was making she liked…a lot. He worked his way to her pussy and pushed her lacy, and soaked, panties aside with his nose. The fact that she was waxed bare was the first thing that jolted him out of automatic pilot and back into the moment by reminding him that this wasn’t Sam. He kind of missed the coarse hairs covering his brother’s pelvic region and balls, this girl, Amber? Didn’t feel like or smell like his brother.

  
He was still aching hard and he told himself he could, had to, do this. Alex?, was encouraging him to continue with words and motions so he bent his head again while spreading her open to his probing fingers and tongue. He had worked three fingers into her and could tell she was into it, fucking herself on his hand while he sucked and tongued her clit. Her voice was beginning to annoy him and he wished she’d just shut up. He wanted to hear Sam cussing and talking dirty while he had his mouth stretched around the monster dick tickling the back of his throat. Not any guy, he reassured himself as he doubled his efforts to get this girl to come for him, just Sam, just his Sammy.

  
Amanda?, finally came and he sat back on his heels and wiped her from his lips, his dick now practically limp. He was still stroking one of her thighs knowing it wasn’t her fault that he wasn’t going to be able to finish what he’d started but he couldn’t stay here any longer. Dean found the shirts he’d tossed aside earlier and helped, Allison?, sit up. She looked up at him, the hurt and disappointment evident in her pretty blue eyes, but they weren’t Sam’s eyes and he couldn’t hold her gaze so he looked at his boots. “Look…..” shit what was her name, “honey, I can’t do this. I thought…..I….there’s someone else and I just…..” he kissed her lightly on her lips. “It’s not you, you’re beautiful. I….” There’s was nothing he could say, nothing that would ease the hurt he was causing her. He felt every bit the shit he knew he was as he left the room, “I…..take care.”

  
Sam looked at his watch for about the hundredth time wondering how late Dean would be out. He knew he should have taken him up on the invitation to go out, but felt that the offer had been half-hearted at best. Now though, thoughts of his brother with some random hook up were driving him nuts. He knew exactly how it would go down; he’d seen it thousands of times through the years. Dean would have no trouble convincing a pretty woman to bring him home. Sometimes he stayed the night and other times he’d leave as soon as he could manage without being offensive.

  
It was absolutely killing Sam not knowing if he’d be back before morning. He didn’t blame Dean, the guy’s sex drive had always been set to warp 10 and he knew he’d hurt him earlier when he didn’t return his kisses but was still upset that Dean could so easily find what he needed elsewhere when he was trapped in his mind feeling guilty for cheating on Jess with Dean, guilty for not being there for her when she needed protecting and guilty for hurting the one he loved more than anything. Fuck, he thought, I am just one sorry ass son of a guilty bitch. He didn’t know how or even if he could make it up to Dean. His brother was complex and it was going to take time to work him back around to trusting him with his heart again. He’d fucked everything up with no one to blame but himself and the jealousy he felt for whatever nameless woman Dean was fucking was eating him alive.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean decided they needed to go over the apartment one last time before they left the area. The place had been released by both the Fire Marshall and the police so the landlord would soon begin making the necessary repairs. It would be their last chance to see if there was anything they’d overlooked. Dean looked over at his brother trying to judge whether or not he was okay with returning to his home again but Sam was giving nothing away. He stared straight ahead and had said all of three or four words to Dean so far that morning. “Listen Sammy, you don’t need to go up with me if you’d rather stay here. I….I’m….I think I understand how hard this will be for you to have to see again and I can handle it on my own.”

  
Sam sighed and looked at the burned corner of the building as Dean parked the car. “No….” his voice trailed off and he just sat in silence for what felt like five minutes to Dean but was probably 10 seconds in reality. “I mean….yes….no….fuck, I don’t know, I just don’t know,” he turned his head to look at Dean who was looking down at his hands. “I just don’t know.”

  
“It’s, okay Sam stay here and I’ll be in and out as quickly as I can,” Dean tentatively reached out a hand toward his brother, but drew it back before opening the door and getting out of the car. He leaned back in through the open window, “I am trying…..I know we don’t see things the same way, but I am trying Sam. I’ll be back soon.” Sam watched his brother walk away and wondered when, if ever, they’d be on the same page again.

  
The apartment still smelled terrible and Dean put his hand over his mouth and nose to try to block the smell of burned wood, paper and worst of all flesh as he picked through the detritus spread around him. He wanted to concentrate his search in the bedroom which was made difficult since that it was the room with the most damage and was where the structure was most unstable. He needed both hands to move through the destroyed room and to effectively sift through the remains and was trying desperately to not breathe through his nose. As he got near the windows, he nearly tripped and forgot about mouth breathing as he recovered his balance. The smell of burnt flesh was stronger here, but Dean thought he could smell something else, something just under the more prominent smells in the room.

  
He stood still, closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing in and out through his nose as slowly as he could without gagging. Yes, he thought, there’s sulfur here. He could just get the faintest hint of the sulfur, but was sure it was there. Dean moved carefully over to the windows and thought the scent was getting stronger. He ran one of his hands over the ash collected on the window sill and brought his fingers to his nose closing his eyes again as he sniffed at his hand. Dean was sure there was sulfur and really wanted Sam’s opinion as well but couldn’t ask his brother to return here again. He was just too broken up this morning. Dean’s thoughts went back to the previous night as he looked for something to collect the ash.

  
Sam had been asleep when he got back to their room sometime after midnight. Dean felt immediate relief when Sam didn’t return his greeting, but the relief turned into guilt as he washed his face and hands, and brushed his teeth before joining his brother in bed. He lay awake for hours wondering if it was possible to keep his misadventure to himself, not having any idea how to start that kind of conversation, and whether or not it would help Sam to know he’d been unable to perform or if it would make things worse because he’d gone out purposely to get laid knowing he was leaving his grieving brother behind. Fuck! He thought for the thousandth time as he tossed and turned, this was exactly why he didn’t do relationships, he sucked at just about everything outside the bedroom. His mind preoccupied with thoughts of Sam, he didn’t hear him when he entered the apartment and drew his gun as he caught movement from the corner of his eye.

  
“Whoa, Dean! It’s me,” Sam had his hands up to show he was unarmed.

  
“Shit, Sam! You scared the hell out of me! I almost fucking shot you,” Dean had his hands on his knees panting as the adrenaline worked its way out of his system. “God damn Sammy, I didn’t expect anyone, sorry dude, if I’d known I’d have never drawn.”

  
“I know Dean, I should have called your phone, but I called your name and I thought you’d heard me.” Sam picked his way across the living room to his brother’s side. “You okay? I’m really sorry I scar…..I mean startled you.”

  
“Yeah, I’m good. I guess I pass my stress test with flying colors this year,” Dean put his gun back in his waistband as he straightened up, giving his brother a crooked smile. “Good to know my heart can handle anything you throw at it, right?” Glad his brother was actually speaking to him Dean motioned to the bedroom. “Since you’re up here, can I show you something I found in here?” Sam followed Dean into the bedroom, trying not to think of his nightmares, and over to the windows. “Run your hand along the sill and then smell it, your hand. Tell me what you smell.”

  
Sam looked at his brother to see if he was being pranked, but Dean’s face was serious with no hint of a smirk or smile, so he gathered some of the ash on one hand and sniffed, “Is that….no, can’t be sulfur, can it?” He looked at his brother eyebrows arched.

  
“That’s exactly what I thought! I was going to look for something to scrape some into when I almost shot you. The kitchen seems to have the least damage.”

  
“Yeah, you’re right I can probably find something in there. See what you can scrape up and I’ll be right back.” Sam headed out of the room to search for a container.

  
They stopped for coffee and to wash up after Dean scraped as much ash and peeling paint from the window sills as possible and were soon headed east. Sam had the journal and was reading through the entries they’d marked, all referring to their mom’s death. “It doesn’t mention anything about sulfur in here at all, I’ve checked twice.”

  
“I didn’t think it would Sammy, Dad wouldn’t have known what to look for even if he could have forced himself back into the house after……after, he hadn’t started hunting yet.” Dean adjusted the volume down on the radio so it was a little easier to talk. “By the time he started that journal our house had been fixed up and sold. If Ash does find more fires back in ’82 there won’t be any evidence from them left to examine either. This might be the only clue we get, but hey, we’ve worked with less, right?”

  
Sam looked out his window and rubbed his thumb on the top of the container of ash and paint chips, “I suppose,” he lapsed into silence as his nightmare vision returned. “I just can’t think of a reason there’d be demons after Jess, or Mom for that matter and if it was a demon or demons, then I did this to Jess, it is my fault.” Sam reached over and turned the volume back up without even a glance at his brother.


	6. Chapter 6

Nine hours later, Dean popped out the cassette that had finished playing and rather than immediately starting a new one he glanced at his brother who was still staring out the window. They’d exchanged about four sentences between them since they’d left Palo Alto and it was starting to get to him. ‘Fuck it,’ he thought, ‘I’m gonna talk. He doesn’t have to answer, but I’m gonna talk.’

  
“Look, Sam you can’t blame yourself for anything at this point. We don’t fucking know what happened. Yeah, there are similarities and it appears there was sulfur at the site, but that’s not a hell of a lot to go on.” Dean sighed and reached for his brother’s hand, pleased that Sam hadn’t drawn it away, “I know I’m the last person to be handing out any kind of relationship advice and I’m sure as hell not going to say I know what you’re feeling because I don’t. However, I do know that all that guilt will drive you nuts or kill you – look what it did to dear old Dad, if that wasn’t guilt driving him all those years I’ll….that’s beside the point….”

  
“No, Dean,” Sam cut him off, “you don’t know and I’m not sure I could even explain it well enough to make you understand,” he turned so he was facing his brother, but didn’t pull his hand away. “Sometimes…..sometimes….I’m not sure I get it.” He took his hand back and just looked down at his hands, his hair screening most of his face from view. His voice dropped almost to a whisper and Dean had to strain to hear his next words, “I failed her and now I’m failing you too.”

  
Silence blanketed the car once again and Dean ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think of how to possibly comfort his brother while at the same time his own guilt was eating at his insides. He felt like a shit. He’d known Sam was grieving and yet he didn’t have the patience or the concern to stay with him last night, even if they’d just sat in silence. He’d thought only of himself and his own pathetic needs which went unsatisfied anyway. ‘I suck at relationships,’ he thought for the millionth time that day.

  
“So, different topic, we’re about 12 hours from Black Water Ridge and I don’t think you’ve slept much, if at all. I think we should put up for the night at the next town and do the rest of the drive tomorrow. You OK with that or do you want to try to push through and arrive there in the early hours tomorrow?” Dean was trying to catch his brother’s eye, but Sam was still looking down at his hands.

  
“Whatever you feel like is fine, I’m fine. I can drive if you need to rest. I’m fine.” He was now picking at a loose thread on his jeans and still avoiding having to look at his brother.

  
It was a little past five when Dean checked them into a small motel in some no name town in Wyoming and he dropped his bag on one of the beds. “No kings at this place Sammy, sorry.”

  
“It’s OK. I’m going to shower, we going out?”

  
Sam’s question surprised Dean, but he wasn’t going to turn down the offer, “I’m not sure what this Podunk town has to offer, but yeah, I’m up for it if you are.” He was so determined to not look at his brother that he didn’t hear him approach and was surprised when he felt his hands on his shoulders and his mouth on his neck.

  
“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered as he kissed his way along Dean’s jawline to his mouth turning his brother in his arms to face him. “I’m so sorry,” he gently brushed his lips along his brother’s lower lip before sucking at it lightly, his arms drawing him in even closer.

  
Dean wasn’t quite sure how to react and his guilt rose to the surface even as he opened his mouth to Sam’s tongue and returned his kisses while his hands explored the broad expanse of his muscular back. He broke the kiss briefly, “Fuck, Sam I’ve missed this so much, missed you,” and moved one hand to Sam’s ass to hold him even closer relishing the feel of the hard cock pressing into his stomach and rubbing his own against a leg.

  
“I know, Dean, me too,” Sam’s words were spread out between kisses and Dean moaned when he broke the kiss and cradled Dean’s head against his shoulder while talking against his ear. “I’m so….torn up, Dean and I know it hasn’t been fair to you. You’ve been so patient and so…..loving and I…..I just don’t feel,” he paused, his breath hot against Dean’s ear, “I’m not sure I…..I fucked up with Jess, Dean, I can’t…..I’m afraid.”

  
Sam’s voice trailed off and Dean turned his head and used one of his hands to position himself so he could capture his brother’s mouth again, kissing him slowly and very thoroughly before pulling back and holding Sam’s forehead to his, “Sam….I….don’t beat yourself up….I….last….um….shit….”

  
“I know, Dean and its okay,” Sam captured his lower lip again and pulled and nipped at it as he spoke, “It doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t. I still…….fuck, I still want you Dean, still…….still….” He slipped his tongue past Dean’s and took control of the kiss, his tongue sliding in, out and around, deeper and deeper, until his brother was breathless and whimpering in his arms.

  
It took every ounce of control Dean possessed to break out of Sam’s embrace. He started to speak before his brother could even begin to look hurt, “I’m a fucking moron, Sam. I should have never left you last night. You deserve better…. I was mad and I think…..fuck me, you know I hate this feeling shit more than anything but…..dammit! I think,” Dean sighed, “I was fucking jealous of her…..Jess. I’m an ass Sammy and the mother-fucker we burned wasn’t wrong when he said I fuck up everything I touch. I don’t wanna fuck you up any more than he did…..you’re the best thing, the one good thing I’ve ever had in my life, Sammy. I can’t….I just can’t.”

  
Dean started to turn away but Sam caught him and brought him back into his arms, pressing kisses on his head and down to his forehead and the tip of his nose. Working open mouth kisses and light bites across Dean’s cheekbones, Sam spoke in between each one, “I wanted to be hurt and angry at you and I tried, dammit. I wanted to be a self-righteous bitch and read you the fucking riot act when you got back, but in between all the anger there was the damn fact that it was me who shut you out and me who turned my back on you. You were doing the best you could to reach to me and I wasn’t having any of it. So I understand……this time and for the record, I hated every fucking minute of it.” Sam put a hand on Dean’s head and tilted it back so he had access to every surface of his mouth, pulling him even closer as the kiss deepened.

  
Moaning into Sam’s mouth, Dean took control and turned Sam so he could get him down on one of the beds and began to work his belt open with his free hand, the other was tangled in his brother’s hair. Sam pushed his hand away and it took Dean a moment to realize he wasn’t pushing him away, but undoing his belt and pants for him. “That’s it Sammy. I want to take care of you tonight.” Dean’s hands moved under Sam’s shirts and he broke their kiss to pull them over his head and toss them aside. His hands on his brother’s waist pushed him to sit on the bed and Dean fell to his knees his mouth still on his brother’s. “Relax for me Sam and let me…..”

  
Sam put his hands on either side of Dean’s face as he reclaimed control of the kiss finally pulling back to grab his lower lip between his teeth and tug at it lightly. “Whatever you want Dean,” was Sam’s breathless response.

  
Dean started by working his kisses around to the spot just under the ear that he now knew drove his brother crazy, sucking, biting and kissing at it with various degrees of intensity causing his brother to cry out and try to hold him closer. He then worked his way down his neck, leaving a couple marks on his way to Sam’s collar bones. Dean stopped to appreciate the way they stood out as Sam threw his head back to give him better access to his neck. Marking each hollow, Dean was soon sucking and lightly pinching the hard buds of Sam’s nipples, making him start panting. He lavished each nipple with attention before moving his mouth down the hard muscle that defined Sam’s belly to tongue his belly button until Sam finally lay back on the bed giving Dean full access to all of him.

  
Caressing the solid thighs on either side of him, Dean watched as Sam’s cock jerked a little on its own, pre-come trickling down the sides and licked his lips while moving his hands up to cradle both the heavy balls and the firm cock before licking his way to the head and tonguing the slit until Sam began to thrust toward his mouth, “You like that Sammy?” Dean laughed at ‘what the hell do you think’ look on his brother’s face and he began to lick up one side and down the other before opening his mouth and pulling about a quarter of Sam’s cock into his warm mouth. Working his tongue around and around the sensitive head in his mouth he was pleased to hear his brother spilling a bucket full of profanity and moaning as he tried to thrust even deeper into the mouth working on him.

  
Sam didn’t know why this time was different, why he hadn’t lost his hard on and he wasn’t really going to question the whys too hard – pun intended he thought. He watched his brother working his cock like a pro and almost came when he took him even farther into his mouth and his free hand began to massage his hole. It was all Sam could do to not fuck himself down on Dean’s hand, unsure how he’d take it but encouraged that he was so open to each new experience. “Fuck, Dean you look so hot, mmmmmmm, yeah just like that. Damn, Dean your mouth is so fucking beautiful….” Sam couldn’t stop himself from thrusting into his brother’s mouth, but Dean was taking it all in stride and not letting up in either the front or the back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…..Dean, I’m…..”

  
He knew his brother was close when all the ‘fucks’ he was saying blended into one long word with just a hint of whimper behind it so he went for broke and penetrated Sam’s hole up the second knuckle on his index finger and pulled the long cock in his mouth down his throat and sucked hard. It took no time at all for the thick, salty liquid to begin to pump down his throat. He laughed softly around the cock in his mouth and his brother thrust in just a bit farther as he finished. Dean slipped his finger out and reduced the suction in his mouth as Sam came down, his tongue working him through the after-shocks and cleaning him before he let it slip free and placed a kiss just at the root while looking up and meeting his brother’s eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

“A fucking wendigo in the Rockies, I still can’t believe it! You were fucking awesome, Sam all bad ass mother-fucker,” Dean was pumped from their successful hunt as they pulled out of Black Water Ridge headed to Sioux Falls and Bobby Singer’s place. “I knew you’d come for me, I wasn’t worried for a minute that you wouldn’t be able to find me. We make a great team!”

  
Sam loved seeing his brother like this, all pumped up from the hunt, adrenaline flowing and high from the success and the danger. There were bright spots of pink on his cheeks as he spoke and his eyes were sparkling with the excitement. ‘Yeah,’ Sam thought, ‘not gonna tell him that his eyes sparkle, at least not if I ever want to get laid again.’ This was his favorite Dean, the one that felt unbeatable and in control of everything. “You’re the one that got him with the flare, I just cut you down and let you go,” he was laughing at his brother air drumming to Metallica’s Enter Sandman on the steering wheel. “You were the hero, just like you’ve always been.”

  
“I figure we can make it all the way to Bobby’s today, it’s not a bad drive, open highway all the way and I can push my baby just a bit,” Dean glanced over at his brother, pleased that he was smiling. He loved the big generous smile that brought Sam’s dimples into high relief and especially loved that he could bring it out. “What do you say? Straight on to Sioux Falls, don’t pass go, don’t collect the cash?” Dean bumped the speed up and Sam nodded in agreement.

  
It was late as they finally pulled into Singer Salvage and parked near the back door. They’d stopped in town to pick up some supplies so they had everything they needed for a couple of days while they got down to working through the old books that Bobby had been collecting for years. It was one of the only places that felt like home to both guys. They’d been left with Bobby plenty of times over the years when they got too much for John to handle or he needed some alone time. It was Bobby that taught them how to play baseball and basketball and generally how to act like kids and not small marines. They both loved the man and the place.

  
When Dean awoke the next morning it took him a couple of minutes to figure out where he was and he was soon smiling at the sense of homecoming he felt once he remembered, as well as at Sam who was draped over him effectively trapping him in the too small bed they’d ended up sharing. They’d decided to take the room that had always been theirs even though it only had a couple of twin beds, it was theirs and that’s what mattered. Dean adjusted himself to get a little more comfortable enjoying the solid feel of his brother’s body on his own. He was hard and had to pee, but unwilling to leave the bed just yet. He combed Sam’s hair with his fingers and smiled. Dean was glad that Bobby’s place had been available, not just for the books, hard to find spell ingredients and weapons they might need, but also for the memories. This was a healing place and he hoped to hell that by spending time here, in the place where they shared some of their happiest memories, that Sam would be able find some peace.

  
He closed his eyes, shook himself and silently cursed at himself for being such a girl. When he opened his eyes again he was looking into his brother’s eyes. “Hey Sammy, I thought you were gonna sleep all day leaving me trapped here and at your mercy,” Dean placed a kiss on Sam’s head and pushed him a little to the side. “I have to piss and you’re on my bladder! I’ll be right back, don’t move.”

  
Sam admired his brother’s backside as he left the room wanting more than ever to feel it moving under his hands as he fucked him senseless. He couldn’t wait, but knew he’d still have to move Dean slowly to that point, he was sure he could make it good for his brother and equally sure that it would have to be Dean who asked for it if it was ever going to happen. Sam was pretty certain that he could get his brother to ask, it would just take some hard work and maybe a little teasing. “Better?” he asked as Dean climbed back in bed and pressed his mouth against Sam’s in a light, teasing kiss.

  
“Much,” he spoke as he applied more pressure and traced the lips under his with his tongue. “Good morning,” was mumbled as he worked his tongue into Sam’s mouth and took his time exploring and tangling with Sam’s tongue as they each explored the other’s mouth.

  
Sam drew back and took Dean’s lower lip with him lightly biting it gently before letting go. “Morning,” he caught Dean’s lip again and ran his tongue over it soothing away the bite marks before moving to his ear and giving it the same treatment. Sam was pleased with the small sounds of pleasure that he was eliciting and moved his mouth down to the sensitive skin at the base of his brother’s neck and began to suck at it in earnest – payback for the marks he’d left the other night. He pulled Dean closer without letting go and felt his cock slip against Dean’s which made his brother gasp and press in closer wanting more friction, more contact, more…..everything.

  
“Fuck, Sam…..don’t….please,” Dean was panting as his brother continued to control just how much contact their cocks made as he pulled Dean on top of him allowing him full access to his neck, upper arms and chest while moving their cocks together harder and faster, then backing off leaving Dean moaning each time. “Please, Sammy, please…..fuck….that feels so good….please…..”

  
“Do you trust me?” Sam whispered into his ear before using his tongue to swirl into the sensitive ear canal and then nibbling at the shell-like outer ear all the while rutting against his brother’s cock.

  
“God yes, Sammy…..please just….”

  
Sam reached for the lube he’d put on the table between the beds the night before and liberally coated his fingers while continuing to suck, kiss and lick his brother’s increasingly reddened skin. “Trust me and relax, I promise you’ll be fine,” Sam began to massage Dean’s hole applying a little more pressure with each pass. He captured his lover’s mouth in another deep kiss while inserting his index finger past the ring of muscle he’d been massaging and felt his brother immediately tense up a bit. “Relax, Dean,” he whispered against his mouth, “just relax.” Sam moved so that their cocks slid together slick with pre-come, pushing his finger in a little farther as Dean gasped from pleasure. “That’s it Dean, let me in.”

The feeling of Sam’s finger penetrating him was not completely foreign, a couple of girls he’d been with in the past had played with his hole, but Sam’s finger was longer than any girls and he knew that this was just the beginning. It felt both good and, not bad, but a little strange. He took a deep breath as Sam slipped his first finger all the way in and after a minute began to move it around and in and out. His brother never stopped encouraging him and he was able to completely relax. Once he was moving himself against his brother’s cock, Sam inserted his second finger and began the process of stretching him all over again. “Shit, Sam that’s…..fuck….” he just nodded at his brother and he pushed the second finger all the way in, kissing him as he struggled to relax and not try to expel the intrusive digits.

  
“That’s it, Dean,” Sam kissed him again deeply as he began to open and close his fingers inside his ass. He was struggling to keep from coming on the spot, his brothers ass was tight and so hot, he wanted him so very badly, but continued to carefully stretch and explore until he found the bundle of nerves that he had been searching for and began to massage him internally while increasing the pressure on Dean’s cock.

  
“Shit…fuck…fuck….gods Sammy…..I’m….” Dean came over both of their stomachs. Barely conscious of anything but the fingers in his ass he began to push himself back against them as Sam moved them in and out nursing his brother through his orgasm. Sam took himself in his other hand and with a couple of quick jerks felt himself coming against his brother as he was still working his fingers in his ass.

  
Once they’d both gotten through the aftershocks of their mutual pleasure, Sam slipped his fingers from Dean’s ass, and kissed him slowly and deeply before shifting a bit so they were lying on their sides face to face. Sam grabbed one of their discarded shirts to clean his hand and went to clean Dean’s ass but he stopped him, “leave it Sam, I want…..I need, no…want to feel this for a bit.”

  
Sam pulled him closer and placed a kiss on his forehead, “Thanks for trusting me.”

  
“Don’t think I’m never trying that on you,” Dean laughed. “Payback’s a bitch, Sammy.”


	8. Chapter 8

The classic rock and roll was pumping out of the old boom box at concert decibels in the garage where Dean was working on the Impala. Sam had asked him once where he’d found all the cassettes and CDs that he’d stashed away and Dean told him he ordered them from late night infomercials, which Sam didn’t believe, but was the truth. They occasionally put one of those on between the porn he watched and he almost always called to place an order – as insurance that he’d never run out of his favorite music.

  
Working on the car always reminded him of John. When he wasn’t being an abusive asshole, he’d taught Dean everything he knew about taking care of his baby. What John didn’t know or never got around to teaching him, he’d learned from Bobby. His mind wandered as he polished the car, returning to the night he’d killed the asshole who’d fathered them. He didn’t regret it….much, but wondered what kind of father he’d have been if their mother not been taken from them so soon. He was determined to figure out what had taken both she and Jess, but equally determined not to let the hunt become his obsession to the exclusion of everything else. He was so deep in his mind that he didn’t hear Sam approach and almost walked right into him.

  
“Hey Dean, easy,” his brother stopped him before he could.

  
“Dammit, Sam! You’ve got to stop that, one of these times I’m gonna take you out.”

  
Sam shook his head, smiling, “As if you could,” which got exactly the exasperated expression he was looking for from his brother. “If you’re about finished here, come inside, I’ve got something to show you.” After a couple of days of getting no closer to figuring out if a demon, or anything supernatural, had gotten Jess and their mom, Sam had finally come across some information that looked promising.

  
“Yeah, sure. Give me a couple of minutes to clean up and I’ll be right in,” Dean, body checked his brother as he passed by, more for the causal contact than because he was in the way. “It’s just about time for a beer break anyway.”

  
He watched as Sam walked back to the house still amazed that his little brother had grown up so….so….beautiful and equally amazed that they had started a relationship that most of the rest of the world, okay, all the rest of the world would consider sick and twisted. The bigger part of him worried that he’d screw Sam up beyond repair – yeah, pun intended – but he felt so genuinely happy for the first time in…..well since their mom died, that he knew he wouldn’t be able to just stop loving him or loving what they were doing together.

  
That said a part of him was still hesitant to “go all the way”, that somehow actually fucking would put the ultimate seal of wrongness on their growing relationship. He laughed to himself at the word relationship, thinking that it figured the only relationship he could tolerate was illegal in pretty much all of the civilized world. He’d been letting the younger man take the initiative, since just before they’d left Palo Alto and that wasn’t really his style, he was chafing at the bit but still felt an invisible something holding him back, “Jesus, I really am the fucking girl,” he muttered to himself.

  
Sam opened a couple of beers and sat down at Bobby’s desk to wait for his brother to join him. He was glad he’d gotten over the impotence that had gripped him immediately after finding out that Jess had died in the fire at their apartment, but still carried around a heavy load of guilt over not being there for her when she needed him. The fact that he was off starting an incestuous relationship behind her back only added to his inner turmoil. God knew he wanted his brother, wanted to bend him over and fuck him until they both collapsed from the effort and also knew that he was moving slowly, not just for Dean, but for himself too. He figured that he felt comfortable with the relationship as it was right now because it felt like less of a betrayal of his feelings for Jess if they did everything but fuck each other. Sam knew Dean would call him out as a big girl – and rightly so - if he told him what he was feeling and so he ignored it knowing Dean would never ask, never question the snail’s pace that he was setting.

  
“So, what have you got?” Dean grabbed the other bottle, threw himself into a chair, put his feet up on the desk while smiling at his brother and openly challenging him to say something about it. He loved the bitch-face and did his very best to bring it out at least once a day. Some days it was just too easy.

  
Sam knew he was being provoked, but loved the smirky smile his brother put on when he thought he was getting away with something and so played along. Yeah, he was so gone over Dean. “Well, I finally found a reference to burning in conjunction with demonic activity in this book,” he handed Dean a very old volume that was in very bad shape and written in Latin. “I know you can’t read it, but look at the illustration at the bottom of the right hand page.”

  
“Yeah, some poor bastard on a ceiling burning, so?”

  
“The text suggests that this is the calling card of a greater demon named Azazel. The more descriptive passages say that the fire that consumes the unfortunate soul on the ceiling burns very hot, very quickly and is not known to spread very far from its origin. Any of this sound familiar?” Sam leaned back in his chair and drained his beer while watching his brother thinking and absently scratching at the scruff of a beard on his face.

  
Dean was concentrating on the illustration and trying to recall everything he could from the night their mother died. He hadn’t been able to see much of anything in Sammy’s nursery beyond the intense flames but was trying to remember if he’d maybe seen something that his young mind hadn’t been able to process. “Yes, but do we really have enough details of either fire beyond the facts that people died, the fires were hotter than normal and didn’t spread far, to give us a clue of where to go from here? Were you able to find anything else on this fucker, Azazel was it?”

  
“Yes, a little more,” Sam got up to get another beer and motioned to his brother’s bottle, “you ready?” Dean was still staring at the illustration when he returned with two more beers. “There’s mention in this other book,” he opened a larger, thicker book to a page he’d marked earlier, “that describes some of the intermediate and greater demons. It seems that our friend Azazel has an interest in infant children, marking them with his blood. What it doesn’t say is why or how he’d mark them and there’s no mention of what, if anything, the fires have to do with the children.”

  
“So,” Dean took a long pull from his fresh bottle, “we have a demon that somehow marks kids in some unknown way for an unknown reason that may or may not have anything to do with fire and death or sacrifice. Well Sammy, I’ll give you that its more than we had a few days ago, but it’s still a shit ton of nothing on top of nothing.” He immediately regretted his words as he watched the light in his brother’s eyes dim. “But, it is a little more nothing than before and I…..maybe, yeah I think I have a way we can try for more info.” Dean rubbed his hand over his chin and mouth as he watched Sam’s hope return. “It’s fucking dangerous and probably one of the stupidest things we’ll ever do, but let’s summon us a demon and put the mother-fucker to the question.”

  
They decided that the basement would provide both the space they needed and offer some confinement if things went FUBAR and Dean got to work clearing a space for and drawing a devil’s trap while Sam looked up the summoning spell they’d need and collected the spell components for what he hoped would be a lesser demon that they could “question” successfully with holy water and salt. While Dean prepared the holy water he worried about Sam having to do both the summoning and the exorcism simply because his Latin was way better than his own and hoped nothing went wrong with either rite. He’d at least be able to do the questioning. He wasn’t the least bit worried about the meat suit the demon would be wearing, that person was gone once the demon took over, or at least that what he’d been able to convince himself was the truth.

  
The demon appeared almost instantly when Sam finished the spell. Once the special effects cleared the boys were faced with their demon……in the guise of a young girl no more than 10 or 12 who was growling at them, her eyes black as the darkest night. Dean watched as Sam’s face lost all color and was afraid he was actually going to faint so he moved a little closer as he took measure of the piece of shit possessing a little girl. Never one to be subtle Dean decided to face the growling fucker head on.

  
“Look what we’ve got Sammy, a cowardly fucktard of a demon who could only possess this poor young thing. We’ll break this son of a bitch in a heartbeat!” Sam looked at Dean trying to figure out what his game was this was a little girl for fucks sake!

  
The demon ridden child looked at them with its black eyes and growled again before finding its voice, “Winchesters, fucking Winchesters,” it spat out the name like a curse. “You two brother-fuckers are going to be fucking sorry you called me away from my rather enjoyable duties once my master hears of this. Want to know what this sweet piece of meat was doing when you called?” The demon screeched with laughter while lifting the little girl’s skirt to show them the blood and semen that was running down her thighs. “The whole school, fuckers, her whole god damned school! Thought you two dirty brother-fuckers would appreciate the sight of this pretty little thing’s debasement. You probably didn’t know, but incest is one of the few things we hell dwellers have a love/hate relationship with – yeah I know its poor grammar - but I never made it out of fifth grade and now neither will, what’s your name again sweetheart, right, Mary.” The demon looked from brother to brother watching the horror creep into their eyes, “You know boys, I take it back, I think I’m going to enjoy this little conversation as least as much as I’ve enjoyed riding little Mary.”

  
Dean recovered first and fought back the urge to tell Sam to exorcise the fucker immediately, whatever piece of shit they summoned would try to torture them with increasingly awful sights and he could hardly stand what was staring up at him, and Sam, he was barely holding on to his anger – they couldn’t do this more than once.

  
“Come on pussies, ask me a fucking question and make poor little Mary suffer to get the answers you want or are you too fucking soft to do the job. Dear old, DAD told us you two cunts couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag with a fucking road map. Was daddy right? Are you two too soft to hunt, too busy fucking each other, to give a shit about the job? By the way your Dad’s a great guy, fits right in.”

  
Dean had to catch Sam before he broke the plane of the trap as he lunged toward the demon spilling its filth. “Sam! Sammy, they lie, Sammy all demons lie and this mother-fucking piece of shit is no exception. Come on Sam, deep breath and focus.” Sam was breathing heavy in and out through his nose his nostrils flaring with each breath and his hands tightly curled into fists. “Easy Sam, don’t let the hell spawn get to you, don’t play its fucking game.”

  
The demon kept taunting them, spilling more and more degrading filth as it walked around its trap. Sam looked into his brother’s eyes and was finally able to release some of the rage he’d been holding since the thing said their mother’s name. “I’m good Dean, I’m okay. Question it and let’s get it the hell out of here.” Sam took a step back from the edge of the trap but stayed within close range and watched his brother get to work.

  
It took longer than Dean had hoped to get anything useful out of the fucker they’d summoned and he was sick to death of watching Mary suffer when he finally told Sam to get rid of it, “Sam! Do it!”

  
Sam snapped into action and began the rite of exorcism, “Exorcizamus te….”

  
Soon there was nothing left of the demon but the shell of the little girl who’s name may or may not have been Mary. Dean, his face streaked with tears, picked her up with all the reverence and respect her broken and violated body deserved and took her upstairs to prepare her for burial.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean carefully washed Mary and combed her hair before carrying her to the grave Sam had prepared. After placing her gently in her grave Dean straightened her clothing and placed her hands in an attitude of prayer. Both men were silently crying as they filled in Mary’s grave. It was after 2 am when they finally returned to the house and they were sitting side by side on the battered couch with a fifth of cheap whiskey that they passed back and forth swilling the rot gut straight from the bottle. “Did you get it all down?”

  
Sam took another pull from the bottle, grimacing, the taste no better than when they started, “Yeah, yeah I think I did. You…..you’re going to have to look it over and see if I missed anything, but I got it. God damn, Dean that was…….”

  
“Yeah, it was and god help us but if we’re going to go after this Azazel mother-fucker, that may not be the worst that gets thrown at us.” Dean fell silent trying to purge the memories of the demon from his mind without success. “I…..Jesus, Sam I thought I was gonna puke. If that makes me a big girl, then I’m a big girl because, fuck, that was beyond sick.”

  
“It doesn’t make you a girl, Dean. It makes you a human being,” Sam swallowed more whiskey as if to chase the taste of the demon from his mouth. “Besides, I did puke so I guess if we’re assigning ‘girl status’, then I’m the bigger girl.”

  
They sat in silence, thighs touching but both staring straight ahead as if looking at each other would somehow make the experience that much more real, that much more horrible. Dean’s phone rang startling them both with the chorus of Seek and Destroy.

  
“Hey Ash,” Dean took another pull from the bottle. “No problem, we’re up. We actually came across a reference to the type of fire that took our mom and Jess in connection with a greater demon.” Dean got up and went to the desk for a pad and pen to take notes and put the call on speaker so Sam could listen in as well. “So, were you able to find anything using the information I gave you? You’re on speaker.”

  
“Hi Sam. Yeah I got only a few hits on my first pass and I then I added a couple of databases that I technically don’t have access to….”

  
“Dude, I don’t care how you did it. Do you have something?” Sam nudged Dean and got a ‘what’s your issue dude’ look in return.

  
“Sorry Ash, Dean hasn’t passed patience 102 yet and doesn’t have his courtesy badge, but it is late and….”

  
Ash sighed, he loved showing off his mad computer skills but got to the point, “yes, there have been other fires meeting the parameters you gave me. I was able to plot them out on a map by date and location. You know, I think it’d be easier for me to explain this in person where you’d be able to see what I’m talking about. It’s a pretty interesting pattern. If you guys head out this way in the next couple of days I can run the data through a couple of different algorithms I’ve worked up and…”

  
“Perfect, Ash, that’s perfect,” Dean was making the ‘run on mouth’ gesture to his brother as he interrupted. “We can be there in say two days, give us time to finish up here and you can do your presentation.” Sam kicked his brother gently at the sarcasm in his voice.

  
“Great guys, great! I’ll have everything ready for you,” Ash was getting wound up again and ready to launch into another storm of words. “Everyone will be glad to see you, you since….”

  
Sam picked up the phone and took it off speaker, “That’ll be great……yeah, we can’t wait to see you all. Give us about two days, like Dean said it’ll give us a little more time with the reference books here…..yeah, you too…..see you soon.” Sam closed the phone and handed it back to his brother. “Your phone manners could use some work, dude.”

  
“You know I don’t understand half of what he says, I just need yes, no, and why,” Dean was smirking at the good natured ribbing and was working up to a laugh until he remembered what they’d done earlier that night. “Yeah, I guess I can be a douche,” he picked up the bottle and returned to the couch.

  
Sam joined him, this time putting an arm around him, pulling him close for a hug and kissing his cheek, “You did what you had to, Dean, nothing could have saved her and you know that as well as I do. I know it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow, but don’t take on any additional guilt for this, she was gone long before we did the summoning.”

  
He rested his head on Sam’s shoulder and let him stroke his arm. He knew what Sam said was true and yet couldn’t get the sight of Mary out of his head. He didn’t think there was enough whiskey in the world that would wash that memory away, ever.


	10. Chapter 10

It was late the next afternoon when Sam found finally found a reference to one of the more cryptic things the demon had told them. He went to grab and couple of beers to take out to the garage and realized they’d drank almost everything they had the night before and so headed into town to make a beer run. They were leaving for the Roadhouse the next day but figured they could take what they wanted and leave the rest for Bobby for the loan of the space and the books he was borrowing.

  
Dean heard Sam leave but wasn’t too concerned he figured it was a supply run of some kind. Sam did a better job of keeping track of things like ‘was there enough beer and/or food’, he usually drove until he dropped and bought what he needed when he stopped. He was glad he had his brother at his side for these last couple of months and had almost forgotten what his life had been like when they’d been apart. They’d fallen asleep, well passed out was more accurate, on the couch after finishing off the whiskey while reading through the notes Sam had made of the demon’s confession. Dean figured most of it was lies coated with more lies, but after reviewing the notes again that morning they isolated a couple of things that could possibly have more truth in them than the demon realized.

  
The first had been that Azazel had a long term plan in place to take over earth that required an army of humans who had been demon-tainted as infants giving them some kind of special powers. It was the special powers part that Dean figured was demon lies but marking children, culling them from the herd so to speak, seemed to fit with some of the other information Sam had already found. Now that Ash had a line on more of these fires Dean couldn’t help but wonder if there was a connection in there somewhere.

They’d need to track down the families affected by these other fires and see if they could shake anything loose. Nothing they couldn’t handle even if it would take some time. He climbed into the back seat of the Impala, and sat eyes closed and head back against the seat, to check the sound. He’d rebalanced the speakers and wanted to see if he’d gotten the mix just the way he liked.

  
Sam walked back to the garage with a couple of beers and stopped to admire his brother as he was listening to Boston pumping through the Impala’s speakers. There was something so innocent about Dean when he let his guard down. He played the part of a bad ass with no feelings and who couldn’t be hurt, but deep down Sam knew Dean felt things almost as deeply as he did, but would let very few people ever see that side of himself. Sam walked over the car and pounded on the roof, “Hey, no sleeping on the job!”

  
“God dammit, Sam!” Dean rubbed his head where he’d hit the ceiling. “You ass, I thought I told you to stop sneaking around! Seriously, one of these times I’m gonna fucking hurt you.”

  
“Aw, Dean don’t be that way. Do you need me to kiss it better?” Sam was laughing as he slid into the car and handed his brother one of the beers. “Here let me see the booboo…” Sam reached toward Dean’s head but Dean swatted his hand away.

  
“I’m fine,” he smiled at his brother, “but payback, Sam is a bitch.” Lifting their beers in a toast they both drank. Dean moved a little closer and put his free hand on Sam’s thigh watching his reaction through his half lowered lashes, pleased to see his brother’s dick growing hard as he moved his hand along the muscled leg. “So I was thinking…..”

  
Sam adjusted himself on the seat and put his arm around his brother’s shoulders pulling him closer and nipping gently at his ear lobe, “Thinking what?” Sam whispered, his breath raising goose bumps on Dean’s skin and causing him to gasp as his own dick got even harder. Wanting to put his beer down so he could take his brother’s face in both hands, Sam pounded was left and let the bottle drop to his feet.

  
“I was…….was thinking,” Dean’s words were cut off as his brother angled his head and kissed his mouth until he opened it allowing Sam’s demanding tongue access. Dean whimpered softly as the kiss became deeper and his own tongue began sliding into Sam’s mouth. He didn’t know what to do with his nearly empty bottle so he apologized silently to his baby and reached over the front seat to prop the bottle there hoping that even if it got knocked over there wasn’t enough left to cause too much of a problem. The bottle taken care of, he turned, put his hands on his brother’s upper arms and pulled Sam closer, one hand going to the back of his neck and the other on his shoulder. He felt Sam’s hands slide under his thighs and pull him up so that he was straddling his thighs, their dicks rubbing together through their jeans.

  
“Are you still thinking?” Sam asked as he pulled Dean’s t-shirt over his head and tossed it aside. His brother’s eyes had turned deep emerald with lust and Sam used one hand to stabilize him and the other to bring his head back down so he could continue to kiss at the already swollen lips. “You are so hot when you get wound up, I’d do anything for you when you’re like this.” Sam kissed his way down to Dean’s neck, pulling lightly at the stubble on his face before biting and sucking at his neck. One of his hands began to roll the hardened and sensitive nipples before being replaced by his mouth. Sam nibbled, pulled and sucked on Dean’s nipple until he was panting and grinding his dick into Sam’s, desperate for more contact.

  
“Fuck, Sam…..I……I….fuck me….please, Sammy, fuck me,” Dean was finally able to string enough words together to form a semi-coherent sentence and once done speaking he caught his brother’s mouth and took control of their kiss teasing with his tongue while trying to work his brother’s belt free with one hand. Sam’s hands working at his own belt were driving him crazy and he cursed when they stopped.

  
“Dean,” Sam broke the kiss. “Dean,” he said again and put a finger to Dean’s lips as he tried to protest. “Shhhhh, let’s go inside, there’s….I’ve got,” Sam kissed his brother again, “lube, Dean, I’m not doing this without lube. Come on,” Sam started biting at Dean’s neck again while he moved him aside so he could climb out of the car, “I promise it’s worth this minor interruption, I don’t want to hurt you.” He grabbed Dean’s shirt and the bottles as he followed his brother out of the car.

  
As soon as they got to their room Dean kicked the door shut and pushed his brother up against it using his weight to pin him in place while he drew his mouth down and kissed him with brutal urgency. Sam took his brother’s face in both hands again in order to tilt his head back giving him a better angle and was kissing back with equal ferocity. As soon as Dean stepped back to get Sam’s shirts off, Sam spun him around and had him pinned to the door, grinding his achingly hard cock against his brother’s while continuing to tongue fuck his mouth. Both men were moaning and struggling against each other to gain dominance and increase contact.

  
Sam slid one of his hands in between them, not breaking their kiss and worked Dean’s belt and top button free. He used his chest to continue to hold his brother in place and used both hands to finish with the buttons. Breaking the kiss he moved his mouth to his brother’s ear, “I fucking hate all those buttons,” he licked, kissed and nibbled at Dean’s ear while pushing his jeans and boxers off in one quick movement. He stepped back to push his brother on to the small bed and realized he’d have to get his boots off first.

  
The hesitation over the boots gave the advantage back to Dean and he practically ripped Sam’s shirts off while toeing out of his boots. Running his hands across his chest, Dean focused his attention on Sam’s nipples, “Payback, dude,” he ground out as he pinched and twisted the sensitive flesh drawing a gasp from his brother that caused his own cock to jump. Dean was soon grinding his naked cock into Sam’s still jeans clad groin while sucking and nibbling at his nipples, both men too gone to really care who had control.

  
“Bed, Dean,” Sam panted the words out, “please.” Dean finished with Sam’s belt and did as requested and lowered himself to the bed and watched as his brother finished undressing, admiring his dripping cock while at the same time wondering how the hell the monster was going to fit.

Noticing where his brother’s eyes were glued, Sam crawled onto the bed next to him and captured his mouth in another penetrating kiss, “I’ll make it good for you but if you’ve changed your mind, I’m OK with it.”

  
“No Sam,” Dean kissed him back drawing a sigh from Sam before continuing, “I want you to fuck me, I…..I’m….I need this……I need you.” He pulled his brother even closer and their cocks made contact almost sending both of them over the edge. “Do it, Sam.”

  
The look in his brother’s eyes as he spoke the same words he’d used the night before almost broke Sam in two and he understood then that this sudden desire of his was what he needed to get past their heart rendering chore the previous night. He reached for the lube, glad that there was still plenty and applied a liberal amount to his fingers. Wrapping his other hand behind his brother’s head he began to kiss him again, varying the depth and intensity as he worked his first finger into his ass. Pleased that Dean was more relaxed with him this time he soon added a second finger and began to really work his hand in and out spreading his fingers in order to prepare Dean for his cock. When Dean was fucking himself back onto his fingers he slowly added a third.

  
Dean gasped as his brother penetrated him with yet another finger and tried his best to relax. Sam moved his kisses from his mouth to his very sensitive neck and was murmuring encouragement while his other hand slipped between them and began to stroke his cock. Once he was moving his fingers in and out with little resistance he pulled away from his brother and looked into his eyes while spreading his legs further apart and pushing them up. “You still good?” Pushing Dean’s hands away from his cock, Sam lubed himself up while his brother searched for words and settled for just nodding his assent.

  
Once he’d withdrawn his fingers Sam positioned himself at Dean’s entrance and began to work himself past the outer ring of muscle as gently as he could, stopping once he had the head worked all the way to kiss and suck at his brother’s neck again. He was getting ready to push forward when Dean grabbed his ass and pulled him all the way in.

  
It burned but it felt so good having Sam lodged firmly inside that the burning was just a minor irritation. He smiled up at his brother and raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t want to wait, Sammy.”

  
Sam nearly came immediately once he was firmly lodged in Dean’s very tight, very hot ass and was concentrating on holding himself back while laughing at his brother’s impatience. “God Dean, you are…..are….so fucking hot and damn you feel good.” Sam started to move his cock in and out of the velvet heat that gripped him watching his brother’s face for any signs of distress. He soon found the right angle and was hitting Dean’s sweet spot at least every other thrust and his brother was becoming more and more vocal as he increased both his tempo and the depth of his thrusts.

  
“Damn, Sammy, I…..fuck….fuck…god damn…please….” Dean was soon meeting his brother thrust for thrust and Sam knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold on much longer so worked his hand between them again and began to jack his brother’s cock in time with each thrust – now hitting his prostate every time. Dean threw his head back crying out Sam’s name as he came all over both their stomachs. Hearing his brother call his name in his ecstasy was all it took for Sam to let go and he pulled Dean even closer as he came deep in his ass whispering that he loved him and kissing him everywhere he could reach. Once he was finished he eased his still semi-hard cock out of his brother’s ass and held him close as the come and sweat dried on their skin.

  
Dean, still reeling from the intensity of both of their orgasms allowed Sam to pull him in and cradle his head against his shoulder. Turning his head toward his brother he whispered so softly that Sam had to strain to hear, “I love you too, Sammy.”


	11. Chapter 11

“So earlier, I was coming out to the garage to tell you that I did find some information on one of the other things the demon mentioned, but I got kinda distracted.” Sam smiled at his brother. They were showered and downstairs finishing dinner. “Remember, he….it mentioned a weapon that could kill anything?” He took his plate to the sink and grabbed a couple more beers before returning to the table.

  
Dean pushed his plate aside and took the beer Sam offered, “Yeah, he wasn’t very specific and it sounded like another tall tale from the bowels of hell if you ask me.”

  
“And that’s what I thought at first too, but I started paging through the journal looking for anything that sounded even vaguely familiar to what it told us and,” Sam got up and went to grab the journal. “Here, read this part.” He looked at the plate, then at Dean and then back at the plate and shrugged, picked up the plate and took it to the sink.

  
Trying his best not to let his smile show, Dean lowered his head and studied the journal entry Sam had found, “Wait,” he sat forward and put the book on the table, “I remember da…..John and I talking about this. We met this old guy on a job and he said his great grandfather or maybe great, great, whatever, anyway this other old guy had met and played cards with Samuel Colt, the gun maker, one night in some saloon way, way back. They played and drank into the night and Colt ended up showing this guy a gun that he said could kill anything and everything, even the devil himself. Honestly, we figured it was a tall tale that grew as it got passed down in the family, but, hold on,” Dean flipped through the journal, “here we were in a small town in western Wyoming, I think, after a shifter, and we were at the historical society looking some shit up and John mentions this tale to the dude who ran the place.”

  
Dean sat back, sipped at his beer and looked at the ceiling while trying to remember exactly what had been said, “So, the guy tells us that it was more than just a story, that apparently Colt created a gun and ammunition that could take out anything you got a bullet into. He showed da….John a folder he’d kept with references from newspapers from Colt’s time to present and there were a number of references to this gun, but no one seemed to have a clue where it could be found. Let me see what the hell spawn had to say about it.”

  
They exchanged what they’d been reading and both studied the documents again using Dean’s story as a reference point. “The journal says the town where you guys got the shifter was Carson City, which is in Nevada,” Sam cursed the slow internet connection as he waited for his search string to get any hits, “finally, according to this article on Colt’s biography, Carson City was one of the places he spent a lot of time. We’ve got to get a copy of this book, but I don’t think the Sioux City library will let us in since we’ve permanently borrowed too many books from them. We can check a couple of towns on the way to the Roadhouse and see if we can’t find this.”

  
“The thing we summoned was actually pretty specific about this weapon, he doesn’t call it a gun but he does mention specialized ammo. I feel like this is pretty solid, for a demon, at least until we prove otherwise. So, head out tomorrow to Nebraska and hit a couple of libraries on the way?” Dean got up and got them each another beer while continuing, “Maybe there will be a few other hunters at the Roadhouse and we can ask about this weapon and our friend Azazel; see if anyone else has any intel to share.”

  
Sam accepted the beer and started to collect the material they’d spread out on the table, “you OK?”

  
“About?....ohhhh, yeah, fine. Kinda sore, but in a goo……oh fuck no, I’m so not going there. I’m fine, Sammy.” Dean blushed to the roots of his hair at what he almost said and once again mentally kicked himself for being the girl. “We’ll get going early tomorrow, give us time to make those book stops,” he got up and stretched and walked out of the room.

  
Laughing to himself, Sam made a few more notes before turning this laptop off and packing it up with the journal and other books he planned to bring with them. It was going to be interesting to see what his brother’s next move would be. Sam, fairly certain Dean wouldn’t be happy being the sole ‘bottom’ in their relationship, was definitely looking forward to payback.

  
They got lucky and found the book in the second library they visited and Sam was already deep into the pages of the dry biography, occasionally reading passages out loud when Dean pulled off the highway to look for some lunch. While the writing was uninspiring, the information on Samuel Colt was pretty interesting and Sam was beginning to wonder if there wasn’t more to him than met the eye. They were soon seated across from each other in a small diner and had placed their orders.

  
“Find anything else interesting in there,” Dean nodded at the book on the table. “You’ve been pretty quiet.” Dean wanted to reach for one of Sam’s hands, but restrained himself and instead adjusted himself on the seat. His ass was still sore and he liked the reminder of Sam possessing him. He knew they’d have to behave like brothers at the Roadhouse and wasn’t looking forward to having to keep up appearances in front of the others so was glad he had something to remind him of where they were together.

  
“Nothing specific, more of a feeling, you know the kind you get when you meet someone who has experienced some of the things we hunt. There are enough passages in here that kind of gloss over the details or are so deliberately vague that make me wonder if he wasn’t a hunter or at least on the fringe of hunter society. It will be interesting to see what Ellen and anyone else at the Roadhouse has to say about him,” Sam moved the book aside as the waitress brought their food. “Thanks.”

  
“You boys just holler if you need anything else.”

  
Sam nodded at the waitress and slid the book over to his brother’s side of the table, “I’ve marked a couple of the more interesting passages. I’d like your opinion,” he watched his brother battle between picking up the book and diving into the plate of eggs, sausage and hash browns sitting in front of him. The food won which was usually the case with Dean. Sam had taken psych 101 at Stanford and knew that the times they’d gone hungry caused some food insecurity in both of them. He’d overcome most of his with the regular meals he got once he and Jess had moved in together but his brother still looked at each meal as a gift and wouldn’t be caught dead wasting a minute before diving in.

  
Dean looked up in time to see the shadow cross his brother’s face and figured he was thinking about Jess again. He hoped that figuring out what got her and putting it down would alleviate much of the guilt Sam carried around. He hated watching him struggle with the weight on his shoulders, “Sure, I’ll take a look, but your instincts are at least as good as mine and if you say there’s indications that he knew more than he let on, I’ll take your word for it. Speaking of the Roadhouse….” He wasn’t exactly sure how to bring up the topic of keeping their relationship under the radar without making his brother feel like he was ashamed of them.

  
“I know, Dean. We’ll have to keep things between us casual at best. I’m not really ready to share what we’ve started with the world it’s….,” Sam’s foot bumped Dean’s under the table and he left it there, connecting them. “Besides, it’ll make things kind of interesting for a couple of days,” he was smiling and his eyes were full of mischief and promise as he met his brother’s intense gaze.

  
Grunting and smirking in response, Dean moved so that their legs were touching, “Just interesting, huh? I’ll have to see if I can exceed those expectations.” He finished his lunch and pushed his plate away while reaching for the book, “let’s see what you’ve found in here.”

  
The crowd at the Roadhouse welcomed them and they spent significant time that evening filling the other hunters in on what had happened to John, or at least their edited version of it, so it was some time before they could meet alone with Ash in his “control room”. “I really am sorry about your dad, dudes. He was a good hunter and even Ellen knows it despite the chip on her shoulder. Anyway, here’s what I’ve got.”

  
Ash unfolded a map of the US with location markers spread in a seemingly random pattern across the surface. “This is what I got on my first pass. You can see that it’s pretty random with no discernable pattern, so I set two different filters, one to restrict the hits to just the time period between January 1 and December 31, 1982 and the other adding the incidents that fell outside that specific year but were within five years of today.” Ash turned to a bank of computer monitors and began pulling up other maps as he spoke.

  
Dean was yawning and shuffling his feet as he tried to stay focused on what Ash was saying, but his attention was drawn immediately to the maps as they appeared, “Shit! Is that? Fuck, Ash, what exactly are these different maps? They can’t be that accurate, right?”

  
“Yes! There’s a definite pattern now, but watch as I pull out the incidents that didn’t involve any deaths,” the lights on the map on the largest monitor flickered and changed again, “then I separated the fires by the gender of the infant involved.” He hit a few more keys and the points of light became either blue or pink. “The last thing I did was eliminate any fires where the death involved an adult male.” He manipulated his keyboard again and a pentagram was clearly laid over the US, the points blue and the surrounding circle pink, “Voila, Dr. Bad Ass solves another mystery!”

  
“You did all this with the half-assed information we gave you?” Sam stepped forward studying the image even closer, “You’re fucking amazing!”

  
“Well, I don’t know about amazing….” Ash prevaricated, “but I do claim Bad Ass.”

  
“You’re a fucking genius bad ass,” Dean couldn’t help but admire the work, even if he didn’t get the guy’s thought process at all. “Can you….”  
Ash interrupted and handed Dean a list, “This is a list of all the data points you see on the screen. It includes where, when, who was involved and, I assumed you’d want this, where they can be found now. There are some cases where the infant who was 6 months old at the time of the fire, died prior to reaching maturity. In those cases I’ve added cause of death and where they were buried if they weren’t cremated.”

  
Sam was still studying the image on the screen, “What happens when you add back the more recent fires?”

  
Stepping back to the keyboard, Ash opened a new window and pulled up another list, “As you can see there are only a few fires meeting the criteria in the last five years,” he hit a couple more keys and the data points green this time appeared on the map, “you’ve just got these five in the Silicon Valley. They have about zero statistical value.”

  
Dean looked at his brother who visibly blanched at the news, “You OK Sam? I know I don’t really follow this all that well, but I think he’s right about the green ones.” Dean moved a chair closer to his brother so he could sit.

  
“Numerically they are insignificant,” Sam put his head in his hands and took a couple of deep breaths before continuing, “But the location….look at where they are Dean. That’s Palo Alto in the center of that cluster. All those fires took place around Stanford….fuck. Ash, can you cross reference your original list, the pentagram incidents, with the residents involved in these more recent fires and include the casualties as well as the survivors?” Sam’s hand was shaking as he indicated the green points on the map.

  
“I’ll be right back,” Dean left the room and went to the bar for a bottle and some glasses, giving Ellen a hard look when she started to question him. “Later…..we’ll fill you in later.” He poured shots for the three of them and tossed his back before handing Sam a glass and sitting next to him. He got as close to his brother as he dared and nudged his foot letting him know he was there for him.

  
After working silently at the keyboard Ash pulled another list off the printer. He looked it over a final time before passing it to the Winchesters and knocking back his shot, “I ran the data a couple of times because I didn’t really like what I was seeing and I was sure there’d been a mistake, but its good data and a solid result, it’s just nothing I expected.” He moved his chair closer and put the printout on the table, “Here are the names of the original families involved in the pentagram incidents including deceased and surviving family members. I ran this against the people involved in the more recent fires and five out of five were hits…..that’s what I couldn’t believe. A 100% correlation is almost a statistical impossibility. I ran it three times with the same result.” He grabbed the bottle and poured another round as the boys were reviewing the list.

  
“Sammy, did you know these people?” Dean was worried that more loss, especially in this manner, would throw his brother back into the depressed and immobile state he was just after finding out Jess had died. Sam shook his head no and sipped at the whiskey in his glass still staring at the list and then the pentagram on the screen.

  
“OK, so the fires weren’t random, but it appears the deaths were. In some of these the infant from ’82 was the casualty and in others the survivor, like Sam.”

  
“There are other similarities.” Ash uncapped a highlighter and began to mark the lists as he spoke, “The second set of fires involve people who were male infants with birth dates in the first two weeks of May and original fire dates in November. Also note that the original fire locations are in the heartland more or less centered in and around Kansas and of course as Sam pointed out, all of the more recent fires are located in a tight radius around Stanford.”

  
Sam finally spoke up, his voice shaky at first, “So, so whatever this was, Azazel, or fuck, whatever, hits randomly until he gets to me or will there be other incidents? Was Jess, was I a target, the target or not? Who else is at risk and how the hell do we stop it?” He got up and started to pace the crowded room. “Ash, can you run one more query? This time see if you can get the names of anyone else from the original pattern who is currently residing in California and sort by gender and proximity to Palo Alto.”

The keyboard began to click again in earnest as Ash went to work on Sam’s request. “If he gets more hits in California we can start by talking to those closest to Palo Alto and work our way out.” Sam sat down and was rubbing at his forehead, “Also, will you check to see if there are other clusters of original victims around the country? We can move on to those once we’re done in California.” Sam tossed back the whiskey that remained in his glass and poured another round for everyone, “I’ve got the worst headache.”

  
It was late as they settled into the bunk in the house behind the Roadhouse. Everyone doubled or tripled up here, there was always a premium on space in the small house. There were a couple outbuildings that could be used if necessary, but they didn’t have bathrooms and no one used them if they could avoid it. Dean could hear Sam tossing and turning on the bunk beneath him. He peeked over the edge as he spoke. “Hey, you OK? I mean….I know you’re not OK, but can I….is there, fuck, do you need me to come down there?” The silence stretched into awkwardness and Dean lay back down on his bunk, one arm thrown over his eyes. He almost missed the whispered, “please.”

  
Dean scrambled down and crawled into the small bed with his brother whose arms immediately went around him and pulled him close as he tucked his head into Dean’s shoulder. There was little room for one, much less two big men and they were touching each other from the top of their heads to their toes. Dean had one hand tangled in Sam’s hair and the other rubbing circles on his back, like he did when Sam was small and had bad dreams. With his mouth close to his ear Dean murmured all the words of comfort he could think of, which weren’t many.

  
Sam held on to his big brother slowing his breathing to match Dean’s while listening to the litany of soft words and profanity that Dean was using to comfort him and suppressed a smile. His brother was nothing if not original and it felt good to be held and comforted even if his arm was falling asleep and he had a cramp in one of his calves. “Dean,” Sam drew back as much as he could to look up at his brother. “There’s something I didn’t tell you. I didn’t think much about it until tonight, when I saw those patterns….I, fuck, Dean I don’t even know where to begin.”

  
“Try the beginning,” Dean said dryly, “usually works for me.” He continued to rub Sam’s back as his brother searched for the right words, pressing light kisses along his hairline hoping he was still doing the comforting thing and not coming off like a major douchy perv who just wanted to get laid.

  
“A couple of weeks before you showed up, before, well you know,” Sam had one of his hands wrapped up in Dean’s t-shirt and was twisting it as he spoke. “I started having these really vivid dreams about Jess and…..and, you’re not going to believe this, it’s insane, but about the way the she died.” Sam heard Dean’s sharp intake of breath, but continued, “I’d only remember them for minutes after I woke up from one, but I’d be drenched in sweat and breathing hard, like I’d run a race.”

  
“It’s OK Sam, I’m here and not going anywhere and god knows after the last month or so, I’ve had to keep an open mind, just talk and don’t worry about what I think,” Dean held Sam a little closer.

  
There was more silence as Sam put his thoughts in order before speaking, “Dean, the dreams, they were exactly like that picture in the book from Bobby’s.” Sam tried to get up to get the book, but Dean stopped him.

  
“I know the picture Sam, that’s what dad said happened to mom too. He told me never to tell you, and I….I just didn’t.” Ashamed at not telling his brother after they’d found out about Jess, Dean reminded himself he’d done it to spare Sam the extra grief it would have caused him, “I didn’t think you needed to hear that, you were dealing with so much already.”

  
Sam pulled his brother even closer, holding on to him like he was a life preserver, “It’s OK Dean, I didn’t even remember the dreams until that pattern came up on the computer screen. It was like it all slammed into me at once, the images coming rapid-fire like some demented music video with screaming as the soundtrack.” Dean felt the tears soaking through his t-shirt and began rubbing Sam’s back again while he struggled to continue, “As soon as that cluster of green dots appeared, I knew the dreams had been warnings, warnings I remembered so briefly that I couldn’t use them…..and Dean, the dreams since show Jess on the burning ceiling asking me why she wasn’t good enough for me, why I chose you and why I didn’t warn her.” Sam was now sobbing silently into Dean’s shoulder.

  
“Shhhhh, Sammy, there’s no way you could have known, you didn’t remember the dreams and shit, they were dreams, it’s not like you’re a fucking psychic or anything, they were dreams, bad ass dreams most likely dug up from your memories of the night mom died. There’s nothing you could have done, Sam, nothing. You can’t blame yourself for this or any of the other deaths around Stanford. It’s that fucker Azazel, I’d bet good money on it and we’re going to find him and take the demented son of a bitching mother-fucker out. I promise.”

  
They lay tangled up in each other, not speaking, not really moving, for a long time before Sam’s breathing became regular and his sobs ceased. It was even longer before he was asleep, still clinging tightly to his brother. Dean stayed awake as long as he could to make sure he’d be there if his brother woke and needed him again, his thoughts returning time and time again to Azazel and what he was doing with Sam and the other children in the pattern.


	12. Chapter 12

The boys hung out at the Roadhouse for a couple of days alternately questioning other hunters about Azazel, Colt and the possibility of the existence of a weapon that could kill anything and going over information Ash was able to pull ‘out of his ass’ on the same topics and comparing notes at night. They shared the bottom bunk, but held themselves to some quick kisses and a little rubbing given that the place was crowded and the walls thin – neither one of them was quiet – both were frustrated and anxious to move on.

  
They decided that they had enough information to make a trip back to California the priority, not just in order to try to warn the remaining “pentagram children” but to follow up on some legends regarding Colt’s weapon, which the hunters they’d spoken to were positive was a gun, given the stories and the fact that the creator was Samuel Colt himself. There was less concrete information that Colt was a hunter, even Ash came up empty on that fact, but almost everyone agreed he had had to have been associated with hunters in some fashion at some point in his life. They fought over whether or not to head straight to California or to stop at a couple of the towns mentioned in Colt’s biography on the way. Sam won arguing that lives were at stake in California and that the information on Colt would be there regardless of when they showed up.

  
The evening before they were due to head out Dean was at the Impala going through their weapons and ammo supply, making sure they had a full complement of anything they might need and making a list of what they’d have to top off before they left. He had the radio in the Impala cranked up and was listening to BOC and singing along so didn’t notice anyone approach. He jumped out of his skin when someone tapped his arm, “God dammit Sam, stop that already!”

  
“Not Sam,” Jo Harvelle stood next to him smiling, her dark blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, “sorry.”

  
“Hey Jo, I’m sorry, Sam is always sneaking up on me, at least I didn’t deck you,” Dean smiled at her and wondered what she wanted. “Can I do something for you? Does your mom need something?” He half sat on the open trunk of the car and waited while she shuffled her feet and looked uncomfortable. Shit, he thought hoping she hadn’t noticed anything between him and Sam. They were carful to make both bunks look slept in and kept any casual touches to a minimum when they were mixing with the others at the Roadhouse.

  
“Um, so you like Blue Oyster Cult huh?” Jo stammered out, “I do too. I like all that really old stuff.”

  
‘Oh fuck me,’ Dean thought, ‘she’s not flirting, shit I think she is.’ She was just 18 so technically legal but the last thing Ellen would put up with was hunters sniffing around her daughter and a Winchester would be her very last choice, ‘fuck me!’

  
“Yep,” Dean shook his head as he continued his inventory, “really old, that’s me, really, really old. How’s school?”

  
Jo moved a little closer looking to see what he was doing, “Lame, it’s lame. You know how it is, no one can really understand things the way we do, and they’re all just children playing at being grown up.”

  
Dean was sweating, now this was bad, where the hell was Sam, where was anyone else, “Hell Jo, you know I didn’t graduate, Sam’s got all the school experience,” and he’s way more age appropriate he thought.

  
“But you’ve got real world experience you’ve been out there, hunting, living,” Jo took another step and was now shoulder to shoulder with Dean at the trunk. “You are so much more than any of the guys around here will ever be, could even dream of being.”

  
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Dean took a step back and turned and picked up the first aid kit that was on the ground, when he stood up and turned she was chest to chest with him. FUCK!

  
“Look Jo,” Dean took a step back, Jo followed, “you’re a pretty girl and I’m sure the guys at your school are lining up to go out with you, I, um, Jo, I’m too old for you, please.” ‘Oh shit!’ He thought, ‘now she’s gonna cry.’

  
Jo sniffled a little and reached her hand out to touch Dean’s chest, “I thought, you know, since I’m a hunter and you’re a hunter, we grow up fast, die young,” tears were now falling freely, “you’d appreciate, you know, someone, like, you know, like you. Who would understand the pressures and you know, you could, like, you know talk to,” she turned as if to leave and then threw herself at Dean giving him no option but to catch her, he let go immediately and she pushed him away. “Get away from me you can’t touch me like that!”

  
‘What. The. Fuck. Was happening here,’ Dean stepped back again with his hands up, “Jo, I didn’t touch you, I caught you.”

  
“I thought you were different Dean Winchester, but you’re just as bad if not worse than the other sleazy hunters hanging out here trying to cop a feel,” Jo continued her tirade and the tears didn’t stop flowing. Several people from the bar, including Sam and Ellen headed out to see what was going on. “Mom!” Jo flew into her mother’s arms as she got closer.

  
“What’s going on out here? Dean?” Ellen was soothing her weeping daughter who looked at Dean under her mom’s arm with a small smile of triumph on her face.

  
“Nothing, ma’am, nothing. Jo here tripped and I caught her before she fell and hit her head on the trunk, that’s all.” Dean could feel the heat begin to creep up his neck. He was so screwed.

  
Ellen wiped her daughter’s tears away, “Is that what happened Jo? Did you trip?”

  
“No mama,” Jo was still sniffling and looked all of 12 as she leaned into her mom for support, “he….he….mama, he touched me. I said no and he touched me anyway.” Jo turned her head away from Dean and began sobbing again. Ellen turned to take her back to the house, then stopped and glared at Dean.

  
“You. Will. Leave. Now. If I catch your ass still here after I get her settled I’ll shoot first. Get out, don’t come back. Your daddy was trouble and so are you. Sam, get your things he’s not welcome in the house. The rest of you back to the bar, he’s not going to cause any trouble, are you Dean?” Ellen’s voice was practically dripping with venom.

  
“No, ma’am, I won’t.” Dean knew arguing would only make things worse all around and hoped Sammy would hurry with their things he was definitely not feeling the love any more. He was sitting in the car waiting when Ash approached his window, “You gonna dump on me too?”

  
“Nah, man, I know you didn’t do anything, she does this at least once a month. She’ll get over her mad and tell Ellen she was mistaken and you’ll be taken back into the fold at some point. She likes the drama and attention, kinda been that way since her daddy died.” Ash handed over a couple of thumb drives and a card, “I’ve loaded all the information I’ve been able to dig up on these, including that initial search of the fires and the card’s got my cell phone – don’t share that. If you need me call me direct, Ellen won’t put your calls through for some time. Hang in there most of the guys in the bar have been where you are now.” Ash ambled back to his lair and Dean just stared vacantly as he walked away, still unsure how he got where he was.

  
They’d been driving for about two hours in silence and it was making Dean nuts so he pulled off the highway and down a back road where he could park the Impala off the road but still have a little privacy due to the trees and tall grass. “Come on Sammy, yell, whine, question, bitch, hell beat me! Do god damn something because I can’t take this silent treatment shit. I told you I don’t do emo, fucking hand wringing drama, so out with it.” Dean got out of the car, slammed the door and waited at the trunk for his brother to join him. He heard the other door slam shut but it was a few minutes before Sam came around the back of the car.

  
“All right Dean, here I am,” Sam studied the sky, the grass, the ground and his fingernails before continuing, “I told you I understood once, Dean, once and what, we wind up in a situation where you can’t get laid and you what, you molest a teen? What the hell is wrong with you?” Sam pushed Dean with both hands as he turned toward him, “No, Dean, I don’t fucking want your pitiful I’m sorrys, I want to know what the fuck you were thinking or if you were fucking thinking at all.” Sam turned his back shaking his head.

  
“So that’s it,” Dean’s voice was very soft but full of hurt, full of rage, “you don’t even fucking want to hear my side, and there fucking is a my side! I’m just guilty because what? I screwed up once,” he grabbed his brother’s arm and spun him around so they were facing each other. “At least have the fucking nerve to look at me as you fucking judge me!”

  
“No Dean, I’m not fucking judging you. I accept who you are, I accept every part of you, even the parts you hate. I just don’t need the kind of pain, the kind of callous disregard you’ve shown me today in my life. I’m not judging you, Dean I’m choosing to turn away.” Sam turned again and went to grab his things from the back of the car.

  
That was the final straw and Dean let loose a cry of pure despair, rage, hurt and bewilderment as he grabbed his brother again and threw the first punch catching Sam on the chin. He’d put everything he had in the punch, it had come from the balls of his feet and knocked Sam back onto the ground.

  
“Get up,” Dean kicked at his brother, but not to hurt, just to goad. “Fight me damn you, or are you now too fucking good for that too?”

  
Sam used his legs to catch Dean behind the ankles and bring him down, “I’m not going to fight you Dean, I can’t.” Dean was up almost as quickly as he’d gone down fists up and taunting his brother. “I’m not going to fucking fight you. Put a beat down on me if it makes you feel better, but I’m not fighting back, I won’t.”

  
“Come on, Sam. Punish me, show me the error of my ways, tell me how I’ve fucking disappointed you, how you can’t fucking take me anywhere, how you don’t even fucking know how we can be fucking related. It’s not like it’ll be the first time I’ve heard every one of those fucking words spat at me. Come on, show me what a fucking screw up I am.” Tears were rolling down Dean’s face and Sam could feel himself start to soften a bit.

  
He got up off the ground but didn’t move toward his brother, “Look, Dean, so it’s a mistake, this time, you were set up, whatever. What about the next time and the time after that? I think deep down you’re a good man, but you don’t believe that and every time you get insecure, backed into a corner or just frustrated you’re going to go out of your way to prove to everyone else that you are as bad as our mother-fucking father told you that you were. I love you Dean, more than anyone else, ever and when you do this, when you deliberately lower yourself to meet the son of a bitch’s expectations of you, you are completely disregarding, disrespecting my feelings. You’re essentially telling me I’m stupid to love you, you are punishing me for loving you and I…..I can’t….” Sam looked at his brother’s tear streaked face and felt his heart break into thousands of shards of glass, “I just can’t. Work it out Dean, figure out who you are and what you want. If in the end you don’t want me, I’ll accept it, I’ll hate it, but I’ll accept it as long as you’re happy. That’s really all I’ve ever wanted. You know how to reach me.”

  
Sam grabbed his things from the back of the Impala and got his gun from under the shotgun seat. Dean hadn’t moved and looked shell shocked but Sam knew deep in his shattered heart that this was the right thing to do, it was the only way Dean would find his way to himself and he hoped back to him. He stopped as he drew even with his brother put a hand on his shoulder and a kiss on his forehead. “I will always love you, always.”

  
Dean watched his brother walk away until he could no longer see him before getting back in the car, “I love you too Sam.”

The End


End file.
